Yesterday, I was promoted to captain at my restaurant, which is a big deal that doesn't happen all that often. I gave a speech to about twenty of my peers. The transcript follows (with apologies to Robert Howard and John Milius):
I have been characterized as an ambitious man. I don’t deny I own an unquenchable lust for glory. All my life I’ve been told to keep my feet on the ground and my head out of the clouds. There’s time enough for the earth in the grave. Now let’s touch the vault of heaven.
You have been my allies. I remember days like this when my father took me to the forest and we ate wild blueberries. More than 20 years ago. I was just a boy of four or five. The leaves were so dark and green then. The grass smelled sweet with the spring wind.
Almost 20 years of pitiless combat! No rest, no sleep like other men. And yet the spring wind blows. We strive together. We can’t forfeit. We would only be back here another day. Perhaps in worse company.
For us, there is no spring. Just the wind that smells fresh before the storm.
We are at the hour of our triumph. We shall no longer suffer the trials that have hardened our hearts. Now is our glory. We are giants in this world. When the wolves come for us, they will feast. They will gather our flesh and remember Alexander and Charlemagne and the great Genghis Khan. We are the world-shapers.
We are victorious today, friends, and that is good. But what is best in life?
To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.
To us, comrades. Tonight we drink deep.