I cannot say where we left off, dear reader, in respect to my orientation in the world and the progression following, but it would be entirely safe to guess that I was tired, overwhelmed, and perhaps a little melancholy, and that any progression at the time seemed wholly in the wrong direction. But that’s obvious, as you can see by the lack of activity here in the last month. I forget so easily that talent is not innate and certain, but separate and predisposed to neglect, like a foster child. My care has been judged deficient. Back again, then, and hopefully this time for good, though probably not. But quickly, to recap: Work goes well, I suppose. The turbulence seems to have resided, as New York enters wakefulness and fewer people want to spend their time inside a restaurant. I finally have a decent schedule, all promotions and training complete, and the water looks decidedly calm from here on out. (I have been vociferous lately in decrying superstition, but—dash it—let me knock on w
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Janice, don't get too worried about me. I can't always seem happy and spirited, especially if this blog is going to be current and honest. I've chosen a life that is often frustrating, and I'm realizing certain truths about it that I've always denied, such as the fact that I'm not really as good as I thought I was and it's going to take a lot more time than I had imagined. But I'm happy with what I have been able to accomplish.
France has been great. I'm not always doing it right--I spend an awful lot of time dithering inside the apartment. I probably would have seen more of France if I'd just come on a month-long trip instead of this year-long sabbatical. But I have the opportunity to live the life I've wanted: writing, reading, watching movies.
I do miss certain things: friends and family, convenient meals, and movie theaters and a TV screen bigger than my 12" laptop. But this trip has been great for stripping away those illusions I've had about me being a wunderkind. I have a better idea of what I need to do, and only struggle with actually doing it.
It's amazing how little I can do with a large amount of free time. Sometimes the burden of everything I want to accomplish is so heavy, I just put it all off until the next day--or the day after that. But I'm learning all the time what works and what doesn't.
Anyway, I hope to put something new up by tomorrow, and I'll try to step up the pace a bit.
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